I work with couples who are tired of fighting and yelling, who get caught in patterns of holding it all in in order to avoid another blowout…until it happens again. You often each see things completely differently, and it feels like you can’t just agree on the basic facts. You love each other, and you want it to work, but everything you’ve tried doesn’t stick. You walk on eggshells, avoiding certain topics or conversations, and it’s painful to live this way.

In many of the couples I see, one is working harder, pushing for more connection. If that’s you, you may feel desperate to be seen, heard, and understood. You’ve seen your partner be communicative, romantic, and understanding in the past, so you don’t get why it that seems so out of reach now whenever there’s conflict. You may have tried everything – communicating better, reading the books on relationships, and listening to the podcasts – but you feel like you’re doing all the work and the resentment is building.

Or you may be a partner who feels like your partner is always mad at you, blaming you for their unhappiness in the relationship. You might find yourself shutting down and avoiding arguments because you’re tired of fighting and you know that you’ll end up feeling like you can’t do anything right.

Feeling alone in your relationship is a special kind of torture.

This isn’t what you ever expected in your relationship, and you’re probably not sure how it got this bad. But you know that you’re both tired of feeling alone and misunderstood in the relationship. You know you need much better boundaries, communication skills, and you need someone outside the relationship to help you get clarity about what’s happening between you.

I’ve been training in couples therapy for over 20 years, in three styles of couples work: Emotionally-focused Therapy (EFT), Gestalt Couples Therapy, and the Crucible Approach. In couples therapy with me, we’ll focus on what’s happening for each of you – what you’re thinking, feeling and needing at your core – and you’ll learn how to soothe yourself first, see what your and your partner’s needs in the moment, and make each conversation create more closeness, more playfulness, and more healing.